Your Life is made up of two dates and a dash…

The past two years have been some of the most challenging of my life. I lost two close friends who I used to meet with for breakfast every month. These were the people who I could count on to be there for me through thick and thin. They were my sounding boards and my support system. But now they were gone.

The first friend, Eddie, passed away suddenly in December 2022.

Eddie was always the first to respond to my text breakfast invites, and he would even remind me to send out group reminder texts each month. So when he didn't respond to the December breakfast invite, I knew something was off. It wasn't until several hours later that I received a private text from him, letting me know that he had been in the hospital for several weeks. He revealed that he had been diagnosed with stage four bladder cancer. Shockingly, he was under hospice care just two weeks after his diagnosis.

Eddie and I had known each other for more than 20 years, and although we had only fished together once, we always circled back to talking about our fishing adventures. On one particular day in November, we chatted about our shared interest in fishing Oregon, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. We talked about our upcoming summer plans. We talked about fishing in Montana.

I want you to know Eddie was not in poor health, he was actually a fit guy. He was always boasting to me about how tai chi improved his balance and centered him. I passively believed him, after all, we are fishermen. We embellish sometimes.

I soon attended one of his tai chi classes and quickly realized how fit he actually was compared to me. Five minutes in, I was out of breath and sore. He never broke a sweat.

Despite Eddie's absence in December at our monthly breakfast, we had a normal gathering of friends. My other friend Phil, who had been diagnosed with throat and lung cancer a year before, showed up unexpectedly to the breakfast. Phil explained that he was doing better now and that he had completed all of his chemo treatments. He was very hopeful for the future. I held onto that positivity and now had even more hope for Eddie in beating his cancer.

Days later, Eddie was way worse…

I had sent Eddie several messages days earlier that went unanswered and I was getting concerned.

Eddie’s son responded on Eddie’s phone…

It went something like this,

“Hey Steve, this is Eddie’s son. I just wanna let you know that he’s too weak to use his phone, and he’s under hospice care right now at the house and they’re not giving him much time.“

So I made arrangements to go and visit him.

I went to his house and visited members of his family first. We sat in the front room. His sister, his wife and his son and I sat on the couches and kitchen chairs telling stories about Eddie who was in the next room. Eddie was waking up and trying to gain enough energy to sit up in bed to be able to visit with me.

This made me feel really awkward and selfish because this wasn’t about my visit. My visit was to make his day better and cheer him up. I didn’t want him spending any energy that he needed to fight his cancer on me.

But after about an hour, he told them it was okay for me to come into his bedroom. I sat in the chair next to his bed. He wasn’t able to sit up but he was able to mumble one or two word sentences here and there and smile occasionally.

So for about 15 minutes I tried to hold a one-sided conversation and it was one of the hardest things I had to do. I told him I loved him as I hugged him goodbye. Visiting him was hard.

But you do things that are hard because you know it matters. To them and their loved ones.

36 hours later, he passed.

Just three months after Eddie's passing, Phil also passed away. Losing two close friends in such a short amount of time was devastating. It felt like a part of me had been ripped away. I didn't know how to cope with the loss, and I struggled to find meaning in it all.

It was soon after, that my wife shared a poem with me that reminded me that life is made of two dates and a dash. The poem's message resonated with me, and it inspired me to share my thoughts with others. The dash represents the time between the two dates, which is our life. We should make the most of our dash and live our lives to the fullest.

…and that is why this blog is named making the dash count.

I realized that I needed to honor the memory of my friends by making the most of my life. I wanted to live a life that they would be proud of, and that would make a difference in the world. I wanted to make my dash count.

So I started to focus on the things that really mattered to me. I spent more time with my family and friends, pursued my passions, and tried to be kinder to those around me. I also started to write about my experiences, hoping to inspire others to live their lives to the fullest.

I hope that by sharing my experience, I can encourage others to make their dash count. Let's be kind and human to each other, and let's make the most of our time.

Love and kindness to you for connecting with me and reading this.

-steve